Strangers we meet, Friends we keep

 I’ve been abundantly blessed to meet many people from various walks of life. As I reflect on my journey, I think of my first friend—the one who has always been there, even when I wasn’t the one I’m not sure will ever understand but my love for them has never ever faded because they taught me so much about being a friend. I also remember the friends who shaped me and helped me become the person I am today. And then there are the more recent acquaintances, the ones I’ve approached with a bit more caution because I know the hurt that can sometimes ensue, and these friendships can be too much at times and at others too little.

 In today’s world, when we are unsure about something, we often turn to Google for answers. I did just that when I tried to define what it means to be a good friend. One point stood out to me: “Someone who I can call on, that one person I know will drop everything to be with me when I’m in crisis.” For years, I thought I was that friend. I’ve always tried to be there for others, but the hard truth is, I’ve never been needed or even thought of in those critical moments by the people I considered friends. I started to wonder if I was ever important enough, at least to them.

At one point, I worried it might be about status or position. I don’t own a house, and my car isn’t the latest model. I live in a small rented home, and my job doesn’t pay as much as others. Maybe it was because I never put much effort into the way I presented myself—I’m a no-makeup, comfy-clothes kind of girl. I’ve travelled and left many people behind and I tell myself they just don’t understand me anymore. I’m also not the best at socialising; I’ve always said I’m a socially unsociable person. When meeting new people, I try to ask the right questions and give thoughtful answers, but when I’ve answered all their questions and they’ve answered mine the conversation dissipates and at a stalemate my mind goes blank. I begin to panic and wonder what to say next, afraid the friendship will become awkward or fade into nothing when all I really want is another friend, never a thought about whether the other person even wants to be mine.

I’ve often found myself as the friend who has to be invited or else others will feel bad. The friend who’s always the last to know, the one people invite out of obligation rather than desire. Eventually, the phone stops ringing, and the messages stop coming. I’m left sending occasional messages like, “Hey, hope you're all doing well! It's been a while, we should get together soon.” The replies are always polite: “We’re doing great, how about you? Yes, it has been too long! Let’s plan something soon.” But the plans never materialize, and I don’t really expect them to.

Then, every so often, I pause. I think of the strangers I’ve met, the people who have grown on me and the friends I’ve inevitably kept. My mind slows down, and I remember that I do have friends. Maybe I’ve never counted them, or maybe I didn’t realize how valuable they truly are. The truth is, I don’t need to count my friends. I can look around and know exactly who they are, no count necessary and one hand is plenty to add them all up and these people, they mean the world to me. 

Notice that in a world where social media measures popularity by the number of “friends” or followers we have, true friendship is not about numbers or appearances. Facebook and Instagram often lead us to compare our lives to others, but behind every perfectly curated post, we all face struggles.

So, if you’re like me and find yourself worrying about popularity or being overlooked, it’s okay. We don’t need to be the cool or extroverted friend, the rich friend, the stylish friend or the one with thousands of followers. We may not always be thought of in moments of crisis…or at all, but the friends we do have are worth more than their weight in gold. We are enough as we are, and if our friendships reflect that, then we have something truly priceless.

Feel free to reach out to me via Instagram messaging if you share these thoughts. I’d love to hear from you. This blog is inspired by my own experiences, and I hope it resonates with others who feel the same.

For F.A.H, C.T.M, K.A, D.B, A.J.P and C.T.M I love you all immensely